We are called as Christians to die to ourselves. We are called to let the Love of Christ consume us, and utterly transform us.
How is this done? I so long to die to myself, and gain Christ. In fact, I am placing myself on the edge, putting all I have known in danger, that I may find Truth.
I so yearn to lock myself away and completely spend my time in the study of Scripture, in learning from the Fathers, in immersing myself in Christ completely. And yet, I have many callings- a student, a worker, a brother, a friend.
In this fast-paced world, I long for a Sabbath rest. And yet, I cannot find it. I yearn to be utterly immolated with Divine Love of Christ, that my life might be a pleasing sacrifice unto God.
And yet, how much I am a hypocrite! I struggle in my prayer life; I do not read Holy Writ as oft as I should.
What am I to do? Why is it so hard to die to self? Why can I not carry my cross? Oh, that the Lord would reveal to me these things!